be(longing)

There may be no official guidebook to life (let’s leave jesus out of this one), but there are an infinite amount of opinions to bestow upon the sad and lonely. especially when it comes to matters of the heart. a recent article published in the sfweekly highlighted the plight of the young and eligible seeking companionship in “a city full of them.” apparently here in san francisco, we have all the freaks and douchebags so if you’re unlucky in love, it definitely is NOT you, it’s them. but according to a similar piece in nyc’s village voice, singles put too much pressure on finding “the whole package” – so actually it IS you, not them.

i’m going to take the diplomatic approach and say
it’s definitely me
and
it’s definitely them.

***

ME: “i’m a lover not a fighter…but i’ll crack your teeth”
-i have what you call spunk.
-this is a nice way of saying i’m cute, but a pain in the ass. i have an uncanny ability to make life more difficult, awkward, and confusing than necessary.

THEM: “i like you but ______.“
insert any of the below:
-“i’m a virgin… for religious reasons.”
(so if you take me to dinner you’ll burn in hell?)

-“i have a wife.”
(you’re definitely going to burn in hell)

-“it’s against company policy.”
(but you don’t like this job… or this company)

***

When i talk and think about my own (mis)adventures in romance, i don’t see myself as this lost cause stuck in a vacuum that is “the san francisco dating scene.” i used to. but not anymore. because as i read and hear about the romantic woes of people all over the country, strike that – all over the world, i know that the stories of strange encounters and unrequited love are not a character flaw attributed to a specific city, demographic, or particular cowardly being.

it’s them.
it’s me.
it’s life.

i consider myself both victim of unlucky timing and taste whilst unreasonably stubborn and clueless to what i want from a man-friend (or if i even want one at all). but i figure regardless of whether you’re trying to find or keep a lover, it’s safe to say the odds are stacked against us all. because it’s always going to be work.

so roll up your sleeves, it’s going to be a long ride. though you may be risking your sanity, dignity, and self-respect, it’s in the name of finding more than “you’re really attractive” and getting to “we’re really good together.”
of course you will get shut down. (no matter how pretty, skinny, or rich you think you are)
and once in awhile you will make it to I LOVE YOU (and beyond!).

but as R reminds me, even then it’s not that simple. not that black and white.
it’s more like “i love you but i might be gay.”

like i said.
a long ride.